Dear Lynn,

Why is it so hard to let go of the things that create misery in our lives?

I know that my choice to abuse alcohol makes me miserable. I know that being engaged to a woman I am no longer in love with brings me misery. So why do I still cling so tightly to them both?

Tom

When I first started out on my journey of recovery from pills and potions over eight years ago, all I talked about with people was the horrible pain I was going through, this wretched disease of mine, the darkness that was my life. Hell, you could tune into any TV talk show and find me sitting next to Oprah, Montel, or Dr. Keith showing off pictures of my poor, little, damaged brain. Years into my sobriety I was either writing about the pain and agony of addiction or I was standing up in front of an audience and talking about it with anybody who would listen.

Through all of this I continued to tell myself that I wanted to heal these wounds. I told myself I was ready for health and recovery. Yet still I went on clinging to my “diseases,” pains, and complaints.

Why oh why?

It has taken my many years to realize this but I was actually enjoying chewing on my pain, every time I told my story, I was reminding myself what a poor little martyr I was. Look at all I have been through. Even though on the surface I was asking, begging, praying to get rid of my illnesses, sadness, pain, and frustration, deep down I was tearing open the wounds over and over again, preventing them from ever healing.

Why oh why?

Well Tom, are you ready for this one? The reason I continued to cling to my disease for so many years, the reason you still continue to cling to your miserable existence is this: if all of your wounds are healed, if all of your misery dissolves, who will be left? Where will you be? How’s that one for a mind fuck? A small simple step but a quantum leap, right? If all of our illnesses and complaints disappear, what will we go on talking about, what will we do with our lives? We have become so identified with our misery that we believe it is who and what we are.

The only reason my pain and agony continued to exist was because I continued to feed them, to support them, to give them energy. All negative emotions and miseries we experience need our energy to thrive and survive. Because after all who would I be if I wasn’t telling my sad sob story. I was the crazy girl with holes in my brain, I was the author of My Agony with Ecstasy. There was so much invested in my pain and sadness, hell my whole damn empire was built on it.

But not anymore.

Today you can still find me speaking inside jails, colleges, and high schools but I am singing a different tune. I am no longer focused on the misery of life but the beauty of life. I no longer slice my wounds open and tell people how awful addiction is, I now talk about how wonderful sobriety is. Yes, I have less and less speaking engagements and television shows booked, because most places want that sad and damaged girl to come in and scare the shit out of people. Yes, it has been much harder to get another book deal with a story of hope, healing, and recovery - a book about LOVING your addictions rather than fighting and hating them.

But oh well… I aint never turning back.

So Tom, ask yourself are you really interested in dropping your misery and solving your problems? Or do you just want to talk about it? Go inward and inquire. And once you are ready to stop feeding your miseries, they will disappear. It is up to you.

Until then enjoy your booze and your broad.

Lynn